TROUBLED TEEN

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old female who is desperately seeking your help before I harm myself. From I was eight years old I realised that I did not have a typical relationship with my parents. My mother used to beat me a lot. Sometimes for the simplest things and sometimes for no reason at all. I believe that everyone has the right to make his own mistake and to learn from them. I also believe that not everyone can and is capable of learning from someone else's mistake. My mother used to say some very harsh things about me that I cannot put in this letter. She used to tell me that I am a mistake and that I spoiled her plans because she always wanted four children and not five, and a whole lot more.

When I was attending high school I used to starve myself and take countless amounts of diet pills because I suffered from low self-esteem because I didn't believe I was pretty enough to be loved. I lost a lot of weight and I became ill during that period. I do not have close friends to talk to and I can't talk to my parents because they wouldn't listen. I conceal everything because none of my family members seem to understand me.

When I was 15 years old I needed a way to escape my feelings so I stated drinking and three years later the condition has got worse. I know this is a problem because I can't seem to help myself. Whenever I am sad, lonely or angry all I can think about is to drink a bottle of beer or any sort of alcoholic beverage. Sometimes I find myself drinking up to four bottles per night three times a week. I can't seem to help myself. I don't see myself drinking so frequently because I am an alcoholic, but because I am really depressed and drinking seems to take me away, though temporarily.

Two or three years ago I found myself cutting my wrist and now I am cutting myself more frequently and more deeply. Whenever my friends see my wrist and ask me about it, I tell them I used a comb and scratched it. I know many of them don't buy that story. Some of them confronted me about it. I know I can harm myself seriously, but it is like I get more depressed everyday and lose control of myself. I wear mainly long sleeve shirts to hide my wrist because it looks horrible from razor scars and fresh cuts.

Once I told my mother that I was having heartaches especially at nights when I can literally hear my heartbeat decreasing. Sometimes I find myself gasping for air. My mother told me that nothing is wrong with me and I was calling down heart problems on myself. These days when I have heartaches I just ignore it because sometimes I feel I am imagining it. But, it feels as if there is a hole in my heart and the feeling is horrific. I beg for your help before my depression eats out my soul.

S.J., St. Catherine

Dear S.J.,

I suggest that you go to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. If you don't, you may kill yourself. Perhaps what your mother did to you and said when you were young has affected you. However, you have become an alcoholic and you suffer from bouts of depression. And when a person reacts to problems in the way you are doing, that person needs professional help. I can tell you many things, but the bottom line is that you need to get to a doctor as early as possible.

Remember that you are responsible for the way you behave. It is not your father, mother or anybody else. It is you. So, I beg you to talk to a psychiatrist and whenever you are feeling down, call friends and ask them to come over and be with you or to take you for a ride etc. Stay away from alcoholic beverages.

Pastor