Dear Pastor,

I am a 37-year-old married woman, living with my husband and four kids. I want to keep this short so I cannot get into the details. All was going well until I decided to go online to meet new friends. I never got involved rather than making funny jokes, discussing the daily things happening around us etc. One day I sent an email inviting a man to chat.

After a couple of months, we met and immediately there were sparks. We have been in touch since then, meeting ever so often and making plans of getting married and stuff like that even though he is married and so am I. This is no joke. I cannot eat nor do anything without thinking about this man. He has become my life, so to speak, and I know he feels the same way about me too.

Husband loves me more

The thing is my husband found out and I thought he would chase me and ask for a divorce, which I would be happy for, but, instead, he loves me more than ever.

Even though when he found out, he almost died. I don't love my husband anymore. I hate having sex with him. All I want is to be with this other man. I am dying here. I want to leave, but my husband has been good and I don't know how to tell him. This will kill him.

I need your advice. I am old enough. I know the right thing, but the right thing doesn't make me happy anymore. The truth is I am not even sure if I will follow your advice if it's not what I am hoping for, but, nonetheless, please, advise me.

K., New Jersey, USA

Dear K.,

You have declared that you don't love your husband anymore and you hate having sex with him. You want to leave your husband so you are finding all sorts of faults with him. Face the truth, madam.

You are a bad woman. You are not good. And your husband should be glad to see you leave his house. You are going to crash. You are setting a bad example for your children.

This new man may use you and drop you. You are too hot. and you are behaving as someone who needs psychological help.

Pastor

• 8 comments »

Dear Pastor,

I am a 28-year-old mother of three children. I was married for the past eight years to a man whom I thought was a gentleman until the beating started at about the fifth year of marriage.

While I was at home being a good wife and a good mother, my husband was out frolicking with younger females this was becoming unbearable for me and then I started to feel nauseous.

I visited my doctor who informed me that I was three months pregnant with what was supposed to be my fourth child. I was advised to do an HIV test. At first I was not worried, but then the result came and I found out that I am HIV positive.

When I told my husband about the pregnancy and the HIV results he accused me of cheating and infecting him with the HIV virus. An argument ensued and he hit me and I fell down the stairs causing me to lose my unborn child.

Thrown out

Now he is going around and telling everyone that I have given him AIDS. He even went as far as to throw me and the kids out of our marital home saying that he has to do a DNA test before he claims them as his because I've been a cheater and a liar.

Pastor, I'm now staying with my mother who is very sceptical because she does not know what to believe. I've been a faithful wife and I don't know what to do. I feel like killing myself because I can't take the shame and scandal anymore.

Please, tell me what to do.

A. R., St Catherine, Jamaica

Dear A. R.,

Don't worry. Your husband is putting on a show. He knows that you have been a faithful wife. He is a wicked man. Pray much and follow the advice of your doctor.

However, there is something else that you must do early and that is, go and see a lawyer. Your husband is playing hardball, go toe to toe with him and have no fear.

Pastor

• 6 comments »

Dear Pastor,

I am the last child for my father. In about 1991, he got married to a lady who isn't my mother or any of his children's mother. Now he has refused to allow any of us to live at his house. Even worst, he would complain whenever he gives me anything, but he doesn't when he gives it to his wife's children.

Stop from school

Now I am not living at home and he refuses to talk to me saying that he had not done me anything for me to leave his house. This same marriage has cost me my high school education, in that, after their marriage, I had to stop from school for more than three months and he was brave enough to turn up at my school for my report. That was when my principal asked him to get me in a school that was nearer to us so that he could afford to send me. This he didn't do. My church had to finish schooling me.

Confusing time of my life

Pastor, right as I was about to do my subjects my mother who I didn't know for 19 years, turned up. It was the most confusing time of my life. I wanted questions answered, but all she did was lie. Now I am trying to pick myself up and go back to school without any help from either of them, not even their moral support. I have not asked my parents for anything since leaving high school. Even when going to high school I would save my lunch money to buy my books. Now I am out of school and I can't seem to get any support from any of them.

Please pray for me so that I will continue to be strong for myself and all I come in contact with.

M. T., St. Ann, Jamaica

Dear M. T.,

God will take care of you if you put your confidence in him. You said your church assisted you to finish school. Thank God for that. I am sure they will continue to help you.

Your parents have not done their best to help you, but you should forgive them and pray for them. It would be able to do your soul good if you were able to get a summer job.

Pastor

• 2 comments »

Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old with a big problem. Ever since I entered high school (an all girls' school), I have been teased about the size of my nose. I am so embarrassed to tell you about this because I think people will say it is stupid. People always tease me and call me 'big nose'. I used to pretend it didn't hurt, but I would leave and hide somewhere to cry. It would not hurt so bad if it was just at school, but even some of my family members do this.

When I go to visit my father in New York, my stepmother and her sister would always laugh at me in my presence. She would be nice to me, but if something happens, like if I put on facial mask, she and her sister (who doesn't live with them) would laugh and say "It shows up her big nose even more." This has happened on more than one occasion.

I HATE MY FACE

I hate my face. Many people have criticised my nose and as a result I have very low self esteem. I always hold my head down when I am walking on the road and when I am talking to people. I would love to get a nose job, but I do not want to offend God, since He made me this way. I don't know what to do.

Another problem is that my dad has filed for me and I am going to live with them very soon. I am afraid because the entire family makes me feel bad about myself and I know they talk bad about me behind my back. I don't want to live there. I feel so bad.

É.., Jamaica

Dear E..,

I just want to tell you that I love you and I want you to know that God loves you too more than anybody in the world. I want to assure you that when the time is right and you are ready to do plastic surgery on your nose, God is not going to be displeased with you. Right now the people you have around you such as your relatives and schoolmates are making life miserable for you. Some do it out of ignorance. They don't understand how much the things that they are saying about your nose are affecting you. They are insensitive.

I want you to be strong and to accept your state until you are able to change it. It would be nice if you have a good rapport with your dad to tell him what you have been going through and to ask him whether he is able financially to pay for you to do plastic surgery. Perhaps that would be asking too much of him, but you can still try. On the other hand, you may want to wait until you are able to pay for the surgery.

That would take a while, but in the mean time you can excel in school and surpass those who have small and straight noses.

So pray and ask God to help you not to fret. Don't hang your head down when you are walking or talking to folks. Have confidence in yourself. You are still a pretty girl and you are God's child.

Pastor

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• 2 comments »

Dear Pastor,

I was 21 when I met a guy who told me how much he loves me and would take care of me if I became pregnant with his child. I am going to be 23 soon and to have a baby with him. But since I became pregnant, he started acting like he doesn't care. He told me I should do an abortion which I refused to do because I knew it is wrong biblically.

The baby is 10-months-old. She has seen her dad only three times when she was five-and-half-months-old. I love him very much and would never do anything to hurt him.

Can you advise me what to do because I would not want to grow my child around another man who is not her dad?

D. B., London, England

Dear D. B.,

When some men want to go to bed with women, they will promise them silver, gold and diamond, but most times the promises are empty. I suggest that you take him to court for child support. If you don't stand up for your rights, he will take advantage of you and you will end up supporting that child all alone

Pastor

nancy although he had promised to stand by you. He is not a good man.

I suggest that you take him to court for child support. You are too easy on him. If you don't stand up for your rights, he will take advantage of you and you will end up supporting that child all alone. Girl, you can't force a man to love you. This guy is irresponsible. If he doesn't want you, at least he should support his child.

• 4 comments »

Dear Pastor,

I was involved with a young man when I was 16-years-old. We dated for over a year. I am now 25 and over the past year we have been communicating again, but he's now a married man. As far as our conversations goes, he is not a very happily married man because he constantly says he wants me back and he calls and sends me e-mails. I told him that I can't be with him because he's married. He still tells me he loves me all the time and now it's getting to the point where I am starting to believe him. I know it's wrong to get involved with him.

Please, pastor, what is your suggestion for me?

S. W., Alberta, Canada

Dear S. W.,

• 2 comments »

Dear Pastor,

I am a 36-year-old woman from Switzerland and I have been married to a Jamaican man for 12 years. I don't have a problem with my husband. We love each other more every day! I read your column frequently. What shocks me is that I read horrible news about Jamaica daily. Everyday children, woman and men get shot by gunmen in Jamaica. Sometimes I feel like crying when I read their sad stories.

What really saddens me is that on one hand, there are people dying in violent acts of crime and on the other hand, there are people that have no other problems than writing in about their odd relationship problems. The number one topic in Jamaica seems to be sex! This one is cheating, that one wants to be with a married man, etc. When will Jamaican people wake up? How many more people have to die before it will be realised that only love, peace and harmony will save Jamaica and of course the rest of the world.

I love Jamaica and I am looking forward to opening the newspapers again in the future and read of less crime happening in Jamaica and maybe also of less relationship problems.

God bless

P. B., Switzerland

Dear P. B.,

I am glad that you got a good Jamaican husband and that both of you are happy together. Jamaica has its problems indeed, but the people have the will and the resilience to overcome their problems and to succeed. Thank you so much for writing and God bless you.

Pastor

• 78 comments »