Lazy sister

Dear Pastor,

I need your fatherly advice regarding a problem with my sister. I am the oldest of three children and the middle child is 18 years old. She will soon be 19. The problem is her attitude towards her family, especially towards our mother.

She started out a very nice and decent person but she has grown into a rebellious teenager. We didn't think she would take such a path in life because we were raised better than that. She has her own car so whenever her friends need a ride they will call her and she would jump up, stop what she is doing and go to take them.

I am married and my husband doesn't drive, so when I am at work he needs to go places of importance. When he asks my sister to take him places, she makes excuses like she is tired or she has homework. She has started to lie about her whereabouts. She says she is going to a girlfriend's house, but she ends up at a boy's house. She has taken money from my mother's bank account for her own personal use and does not tell my mother. She and my other sister are living with our mother.

My mother has lupus which affects her joints. Sometimes her joints swell and she can't bend her fingers, or her feet are so swollen that she can't walk. But still, she has to find the strength to clean the house because my sister refuses to help her. The only time my sister cleans the house is when she wants permission from my mother to go out with her friends or she wants to bring someone to the house.

My sister goes to a local community college and she is too lazy to go out and get a job because she doesn't want it to interfere with her classes. I don't see how this is possible when her classes start at 8:00 a.m. and finishes at 12:00 noon every day, excluding Fridays and weekends. But she has the time to go out with her friends every night and stays out until the wee hours.

When she had a job, she spent all her money on new clothes and shoes every week, and refused to help my mother with the bills. The only bill she paid was her cell phone that she and my mother shared. That is her lifeline to her friends.

I can only help my mother so much because I have my family to take care of. I have tried talking sense into her that one day she will need someone and no one will be there to help her. Anything that goes on with my sister and my mother does not know, I tell her.

My husband says it is not my place to get involved and I shouldn't say anything to my mother. My husband and I had to watch television in my sister's room because she and her boyfriend were occupying the living room. They then had sex in my mother's room. My mother was at church at the time. The next day I called my mother and told her what happened. Even though my sister was wrong, if I opened my mouth I could get her into real trouble.

I just don't know what to do anymore. My mother does not know what to do either. My mother has talked to my sister's father and he can't even get through to her. My mother is in Jamaica and so far my sister has brought her boyfriend to my mother's house and she knows she is not supposed to do that. Please give us any advice that you might have. Thank you and God bless.

S.D., Tampa, Florida

Dear S.D.,

Your sister is not willing to listen to you or anyone because she feel that as an adult she can do whatever she pleases. She is disrespectful, but she will not look at her behaviour as such. Your husband is correct. It is better to leave her alone. You feel hurt because she had sex with her boyfriend in your mother's bedroom. If your mother is willing to tolerate her in the house, wish both of them well.

You may continue to exhort to your sister when you feel it is necessary, but be careful what you say. She may resent you even more if she believes that you are watching her and taking news to your mother.

Pastor