Dear Pastor,
I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 32. We have been dating for over three months and we have a very good relationship. However, he doesn't fulfill my sexual needs nor is he open with his affection for me.
I am very sexual and never had to deal with this problem before. My ex-boyfriends were just as active as I. I have talked to him about the way I feel and his reply was "I don't want to get tired of having sex with you because I have gotten tired of other women in the past by having too much sex with them." This could be true, but I don't see how sex could become boring if you really care for the person you are with and want to please her.
The other problem is his lack of affection. I am from a large family that is very hands-on. I am used to displaying the way I feel in private as well as in public. I am having a really hard time dealing with his lack of affection and have brought it to his attention. I have explained to him how it is affecting my relationship with him. I am starting to doubt the way he feels about me because I am not seeing enough proof through his actions.
I have stopped initiating sex because I want him to know that I am considerate of his feelings. I have also tried being very affectionate to him which he doesn't mind with the hope that he would return some my way. I care very dof sex and public affections deeply for him and I am working on maintaining our relationship. I just need your advice as to what else I could possibly do to get him to open up to me.
T.J.,
Dear T.J.,
You are emphasizing too much sex in this relationship and any relationship that is based purely on sex will crash. You are pressuring this young man too much and he can sense it. If you continue to behave this way, he will leave you and he will become just another number of the men you have allowed to toy with your body.
You shouldn't use your former boyfriends to judge him. Some men are not as open with their affections as others. So, if you want this relationship to last, learn to communicate with this man. Respect him and try to understand him. The relationship is only three months old. You are going to spoil it if you continue to push sex.
Pastor
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