Dear Pastor,
I am a Christian. I have been married for five years. I lived with my husband nine years before we got married. I just can't take the life I am living anymore. My husband does not treat me like a lady. If I ask him for anything, he does not give it to me; he asks me if I am not working. I get $3,000 per week. I throw 'partner', give my son lunch money to go to high school, and pay taxi fare. I pay the phone bill and cable bill when they come. At times I find food for the house. All he does is come home, bathe, eat and sleep. As morning breaks he is gone.
He does not come home until very late at nights. If I talk to him he curses me and uses obscene language. He doesn't have sex with me anymore, which does not bother me. I do not want to catch anything he might have picked up outside.
You see, I met this very nice, gentle, loving man. He makes me feel like a lady. He is everything I dream of in a husband. He calls me at work. He encourages me to hold on and to talk to my husband. He is so understanding. I am tired of talking to my husband. I want out of this marriage. If I stay, I am going to get crazy. This new guy is also married, but I can talk to him about my marriage. He shows me kindness.
My husband does not work. He gambles. As his wife, he does not give me money to buy anything for myself and he does not do anything around the house. If he eats, he leaves the plate at the same place. He doesn't spread the bed if I leave him in it to go to work. He does not care about paying the mortgage.
I am awaiting your kind advice.Thanks in advance.
M., St. Catherine
Dear M.,
Your husband is not behaving as if he is interested in the relationship. He is behaving as a man who just wants a place to sleep and to eat. He is not a responsible brother at all. Nevertheless, before you make a decision whether or not you should divorce him, both of you should go for counselling. That is the correct thing to do. If he is not interested in going for counselling and you do not believe that you can continue in the relationship, you should seek the assistance of a lawyer.
I must warn you not to become intimate with the man you describe as loving and 'everything I dream of in a husband'. Don't forget that this man is married and you may ruin his married life if you become intimate with him.
Don't end the relationship with your husband because you want this man to be your future partner. 'Everything that glitters is not gold.'
Pastor
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