My wife married her brother

Dear Pastor,

"A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife," but in my case, my wife has cleaved to her brother. You see, he has helped her to come to the United States, and of course, this in itself is a good thing, but he had to marry her as well. She is dedicated to him more than 100 per cent and ignores the fundamental principles of marriage. When she was in Jamaica, she lived a god-fearing and a well principled Christian life and I was attracted to this kind of living. We got married in Jamaica, but I did not know that when I came to the United States I had to worship her type of god.

Her brother has done everything for her but the only thing that he doesn't do is to sleep with her. I spoke to her about my role as a husband and how I would want my family to live according to certain biblical principles, but she ignores it and insists that I should go with the flow. To make matters worse, she decides not to work. She remains unemployed for more than 18 years and I have to pay the rent, light bills, telephone bills, gas and heating bills, credit card bills and furniture bills and of course, take care of the general family responsibilities.

In January 1994, she decided that she will make love with me for the last time, and she did. I am unable to write everything in this letter, but at present I am thinking of a divorce because I cannot continue to go through this kind of rejection. She does not communicate with me and whenever she can she is running me back to Jamaica.

V. J., New York, USA

Dear V. J.,

As far as I understand you are saying that you have married a woman who is close to her brother. And she is more dedicated to him than to you, her husband. You have not been able to get her to change her attitude and to support you in any way. As I see it, your marriage is in trouble. You said you made love to her for the last time, so I suppose you are trying to say that both of you are going to go your separate ways.

It is always good for relatives to remain close. I hope that you are not jealous of your brother-in-law. If you have said unkind things about him, your wife would not be pleased and may feel that you hate him. It is better for an in-law not to comment on anything that concerns his spouse's relatives.

Pastor